Sunday, February 15, 2009
Chapter 4 - Abandonment
I think it would be fair to say that we come from a long line of strength. My mom (Kecia’s Grandmother) lived most of her life in crippling pain. She suffered everyday with symptoms that would send most people running to the doctor. After years of testing without ever finding the cause of her pain, mom just stopped looking. She accepted what she could not change and moved forward with little complaint. While it may have stopped her from ever fully enjoying life, it did not stop her from fulfilling her every obligation...to her family, to her friends, and to her church. When she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease it devastated our family. How could God let such a horrible thing happen to one of His most faithful servants? She had suffered so much in life. Didn’t she at least deserve to have a dignified death? Anyone who knows of Alzheimer’s knows it is anything but dignified. My father, her husband of 47 years, cared for her the entire 10 long years of her decline. She died at home surrounded by family. Kecia, her mom, and I cried together for hours. We cried for the women my mom had been in life and for the way she had died. We cried for the grandmother that my children would never know and for all the wonderful moments she would miss with them. We cried because we missed her…because you are never too old to need your mom. But most of all we cried for what seemed to be so unjust. My dad didn’t cry that night…at least not while we were there. Instead he handled all the business. Calling hospice, filling out papers, standing at her side as the coroners did their thing. When everyone had gone he gave us each a hug and reminded us that we needn’t feel sad for mom anymore because she was basking in the glory of God; free from pain, free of dementia and finally whole again. He said what we already knew, that for Christians death is not “good-bye” it’s just “see ya later”. So while we were down here mourning her loss, she was in Heaven helping to prepare a place for us. We started joking about how she was probably already in God’s kitchen singing as she baked everyone cookies and that the angels would be saying “why didn’t you bring her home sooner?” In the weeks that followed her death, my dad said there were times when he would see something, like her coffee cup, or her old tattered Bible and he would cry…for just a minute. It wouldn’t be like him to break down and wallow in self pity. It just isn’t his style. My parents are people of strong faith, and watching them I know it is true that “we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us”. Anyone who has met my dad knows that he is a strong man. He doesn’t have to say much to get his point across. ( he scared many young men during our teenage dating years). It is for that reason that I was so deeply moved by a phone call I received from him in the early weeks after Kecia’s diagnosis. He had driven Kecia and her mom to the hospital for one of Kecia’s surgeries. It involved drilling small holes into her spine. Several of her vertebrae had been weakened by the cancer that had eaten them away from the inside out so her doctors hollowed them out and filled them with a cement- like substance. It was a day surgery so once she was stable they loaded her up with pain meds and sent her home. My dad had called to tell me how the surgery had gone and to update me on Kecia’s condition. He said she had done well and then his voice began to shake. He relayed to me that when they put her in the car she was still very groggy from the anesthesia so they laid her down in the back seat to rest. Dad and Jeanie were talking softly so as not to disturb her when he heard a tiny, child-like voice from the backseat ask “Grandad, why doesn’t God like me?” That was the first time I have ever heard my dad cry. We sobbed together that day. He said it was hard to watch his grandchild suffer. He hated that he could only stand by and watch as she dealt with the pain and fear that comes with Cancer. But what brought him to tears that day was the realization that Kecia thought, in her greatest time of need, the one who loved her the most had turned His back on her. She thought that God had sent her this terrible disease and then abandoned her at her weakest moment. It was at that moment that Dad understood how terribly alone and frightened she must feel. He began to explain that God had promised to be with her every step of the way if she would allow Him too, but as quickly as she had asked the question, she was asleep again. That conversation would have to wait. Kecia had made it through the first two physical hurdles in her battle with Cancer, but the spiritual battle had only just begun.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Update on Kecia
When she returned home from the hospital Kecia was feeling pretty good and looking forward to a Saturday evening dinner with our whole family and some friends. Unfortunatly, by Friday evening she was not feeling well and her port was giving her some trouble. Saturday she was feeling so bad that we cancelled the get-together. As you know, her uncle Eric who lives with them has been in and out of the hospital in "near death" condition all weekend. This, along with other things, keeps the house in constant termoil and I have no doubt this drama is affecting her physically and emotionally in a negative way. We know that stress plays a role in hindering recovery. Kecia worries about the family's health, finances, and emotional state constantly. For this reason, we are strongly encouraging her to move in with her Grandad for awhile. He lives only a few miles from her pa rents so she would still be close, but it would remove her from the "front lines" of everyone else's issues. She is hesitant to do so because she worries about not being there to "take care of everyone". She also fears being a burden on Grandad. He, of course, would love to have her. His home is neat, quiet and peaceful. What better place to pamper oneself while recooperating on the path to full recovery? She has promised to give it serious consideration over the next few days.
You may remember that the doctors had left the lines in her port so she could give herself antibiotic drips while she was at home over the weekend. While getting out of bed today she stumbled and fell. In doing so, her arm caught one of the lines which almost pulled it from the port. It was already sore, so this only added to her discomfort. She doesn't think serious damage was done to the port but it has started swelling and stings when the medicine drips in. She will see her doctor first thing tomorrow and they will decide how to proceed. Please pray that her port can be salvaged without surgery as it would be very risky for her at this point. Kecia has alot of respect for her doctor and feels secure in the relationship they have established. He is good about listening to her and seems to be very honest with her. We prayed from the begin ning that Kecia would be placed in the hands of good doctors and we are so thankful that she was led to him. (His name is Dr. Wazenski- but I don't know how to spell it) She absolutely loves his nursing staff at the infusion center and I think she gets special treatment from all of them. They call her "the baby" because she is the only one in there younger than 40. She is a good patient. She is tough and brave and rarely complains. But the thoughts and feelings going on inside her are usually not the same. I know when I send these emails out that alot of you send one back telling me what your prayer is for Kecia. It would be so great if you have a specific prayer for Kecia that you enter it under the "comments" section of this blog and let her know. I just think that if she knows some one is specifically praying for her strength or that she will h ave peace, then she will naturally be more strong and be able to claim the peace that God has set aside just for her. You all have so many wonderful and uplifting things to share from your own personal experiences and she can't possibly get enough. Thank you all for the role that you are playing in Kecia's recovery.
Praying for her full recovery,
Jennifer and family
You may remember that the doctors had left the lines in her port so she could give herself antibiotic drips while she was at home over the weekend. While getting out of bed today she stumbled and fell. In doing so, her arm caught one of the lines which almost pulled it from the port. It was already sore, so this only added to her discomfort. She doesn't think serious damage was done to the port but it has started swelling and stings when the medicine drips in. She will see her doctor first thing tomorrow and they will decide how to proceed. Please pray that her port can be salvaged without surgery as it would be very risky for her at this point. Kecia has alot of respect for her doctor and feels secure in the relationship they have established. He is good about listening to her and seems to be very honest with her. We prayed from the begin ning that Kecia would be placed in the hands of good doctors and we are so thankful that she was led to him. (His name is Dr. Wazenski- but I don't know how to spell it) She absolutely loves his nursing staff at the infusion center and I think she gets special treatment from all of them. They call her "the baby" because she is the only one in there younger than 40. She is a good patient. She is tough and brave and rarely complains. But the thoughts and feelings going on inside her are usually not the same. I know when I send these emails out that alot of you send one back telling me what your prayer is for Kecia. It would be so great if you have a specific prayer for Kecia that you enter it under the "comments" section of this blog and let her know. I just think that if she knows some one is specifically praying for her strength or that she will h ave peace, then she will naturally be more strong and be able to claim the peace that God has set aside just for her. You all have so many wonderful and uplifting things to share from your own personal experiences and she can't possibly get enough. Thank you all for the role that you are playing in Kecia's recovery.
Praying for her full recovery,
Jennifer and family
Friday, February 6, 2009
Update on the family
Dear Prayer Warriors,
Our family is in a very difficult time right now. In addition to the already stated, the situation with my brother (Kecia's uncle) is only getting worse. He has acute pancreatitis. We now understand that if he does not quit drinking alcohol completely he will die. Based on the severity of his symptoms we are led to believe that it would be sometime in the near future. He has lost so much weight, can not eat or drink anything with out throwing up, is often delirious and in a lot of pain. He checked himself out of the critical care unit yesterday morning against medical advice and was back in the hospital last night. Due to the poisons in his body he is often in an altered mental state and making irrational decisions. He lives with my sister and Kecia so all of this is directly affecting both of them. Kecia does not need this kind of stress but it seems unavoidable. Right now he is playing a cat and mouse game with death...in the hospital to stabilize his condition, then out to drink himself into a state of drunkeness that will dull his pain...then back to the hospital and so on. It's difficult to even know how to pray for him. We would love see him make a complete rededication of his life to the Lord and in doing so completely stop drinking. We desperately want him to recover but there is no way that can happen unless he is totally committed to the recovery process. He has tried in the past, but he wants it to be easy and when it's not, he just quits trying. We don't want him to suffer, and Kecia worries that he will collapse someone and die alone and frightened. This is a HUGE burden on her heart. I don't even know what to ask you to pray for other than that God's hand be on our family during this difficult time.
I am reminded of the passage Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Thank you for your prayers,
Jennifer and family
Our family is in a very difficult time right now. In addition to the already stated, the situation with my brother (Kecia's uncle) is only getting worse. He has acute pancreatitis. We now understand that if he does not quit drinking alcohol completely he will die. Based on the severity of his symptoms we are led to believe that it would be sometime in the near future. He has lost so much weight, can not eat or drink anything with out throwing up, is often delirious and in a lot of pain. He checked himself out of the critical care unit yesterday morning against medical advice and was back in the hospital last night. Due to the poisons in his body he is often in an altered mental state and making irrational decisions. He lives with my sister and Kecia so all of this is directly affecting both of them. Kecia does not need this kind of stress but it seems unavoidable. Right now he is playing a cat and mouse game with death...in the hospital to stabilize his condition, then out to drink himself into a state of drunkeness that will dull his pain...then back to the hospital and so on. It's difficult to even know how to pray for him. We would love see him make a complete rededication of his life to the Lord and in doing so completely stop drinking. We desperately want him to recover but there is no way that can happen unless he is totally committed to the recovery process. He has tried in the past, but he wants it to be easy and when it's not, he just quits trying. We don't want him to suffer, and Kecia worries that he will collapse someone and die alone and frightened. This is a HUGE burden on her heart. I don't even know what to ask you to pray for other than that God's hand be on our family during this difficult time.
I am reminded of the passage Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Thank you for your prayers,
Jennifer and family
Chapter 3 - Getting the Full Picture
It would be just a few days later that we learned the full extent to which Cancer had
spread through Kecia’s body. Her right breast was almost 70% tumor. Not the solid lump kind that is more easily operable, but the inflammatory kind that spreads like wildfire and is easily “disrupted” during surgery causing it to spread more. Doctors would not be able to remove it until they had shrunk it to a more manageable size. The one at the base of her spine…the one that alerted her to the problem in the first place…was actually inside her bone. It could be likened to straw with an inserted balloon. As the tumor (balloon) began to grow, the bone (straw) began to expand until it actually split in some places. The tumor had spread through the bone in one place and was actually eating away at her nerve. She reported that on a scale from 1-10, her pain level over the past month was usually a 9 or 10. The doctor reviewing her scans said he couldn’t believe Kecia had walked herself into the office. The pain she must have been in was indescribable, yet she had continued to work her full time job and two part time ones with very little complaint. Just a few weeks before, we had painted our new counseling office and moved in all of the furniture. A few times during that weekend she had needed to stop for a short break due to back pain, but she gave no indication that she suffered from the excruciating pain that can only come from having your insides eaten away by some cancerous predator. Her determination and strength still amazes me. She is one of the strongest people that I have ever met. There were at least 3 other spots dotted along her spinal cord, a few on her rib cage, one in her hip bone, and one in the lymph node under her arm. It was hard to imagine where one would even begin to treat her. The doctors agreed that using radiation to shrink the one expanding her bone, and causing so much pain in her back needed to be the first focus.
And so it began. Kecia would drive (or be driven) to the Cancer Treatment Center every day for 5 weeks. Each day they would take new scans which acted like a map of her body to ensure that the tumor was hit in the precisely desired location. Each day she would lay perfectly still while the poison worked its magic on her body and each day she prayed that this was more than just a futile attempt at buying her time until she was ready to accept the inevitable. Each day the members of Kecia’s prayer chain grew until it reached nearly a thousand at last estimate. And the letters, cards and emails of support poured in. How then was it possible that as she lay on that table, with time to do nothing but think, did she feel so alone? Was it because none of these people could truly understand what it means to stare death in the face? Was it because each of them, at the end of the day, got to go home to their families and feel safe, healthy and blessed? Or was it because she suspected that most of them believed they already knew what the outcome of treatment would be? We can’t know for sure because Kecia didn’t really talk about it. She insisted on staying strong for her parents and putting on a front that implied she knew she would get better. I talked to a friend of mine that was a nurse. She informed me that radiation and chemo are so hard on the body that given the location of Kecia’s tumors, we would be lucky if Kecia even made it 6 months. While I know it was intended to “prepare” me, I chose not to accept that. And I certainly didn’t pass that information on to Kecia. We were fighting Cancer, not accepting it! She needed to hear the possibilities not the statistics. She would NOT be a statistic. She would be the exception! And so, day after day as the medical team lifted Kecia’s body up on the radiation table, one thousand prayer warriors lifted up her request for complete healing to the Lord!
spread through Kecia’s body. Her right breast was almost 70% tumor. Not the solid lump kind that is more easily operable, but the inflammatory kind that spreads like wildfire and is easily “disrupted” during surgery causing it to spread more. Doctors would not be able to remove it until they had shrunk it to a more manageable size. The one at the base of her spine…the one that alerted her to the problem in the first place…was actually inside her bone. It could be likened to straw with an inserted balloon. As the tumor (balloon) began to grow, the bone (straw) began to expand until it actually split in some places. The tumor had spread through the bone in one place and was actually eating away at her nerve. She reported that on a scale from 1-10, her pain level over the past month was usually a 9 or 10. The doctor reviewing her scans said he couldn’t believe Kecia had walked herself into the office. The pain she must have been in was indescribable, yet she had continued to work her full time job and two part time ones with very little complaint. Just a few weeks before, we had painted our new counseling office and moved in all of the furniture. A few times during that weekend she had needed to stop for a short break due to back pain, but she gave no indication that she suffered from the excruciating pain that can only come from having your insides eaten away by some cancerous predator. Her determination and strength still amazes me. She is one of the strongest people that I have ever met. There were at least 3 other spots dotted along her spinal cord, a few on her rib cage, one in her hip bone, and one in the lymph node under her arm. It was hard to imagine where one would even begin to treat her. The doctors agreed that using radiation to shrink the one expanding her bone, and causing so much pain in her back needed to be the first focus.
And so it began. Kecia would drive (or be driven) to the Cancer Treatment Center every day for 5 weeks. Each day they would take new scans which acted like a map of her body to ensure that the tumor was hit in the precisely desired location. Each day she would lay perfectly still while the poison worked its magic on her body and each day she prayed that this was more than just a futile attempt at buying her time until she was ready to accept the inevitable. Each day the members of Kecia’s prayer chain grew until it reached nearly a thousand at last estimate. And the letters, cards and emails of support poured in. How then was it possible that as she lay on that table, with time to do nothing but think, did she feel so alone? Was it because none of these people could truly understand what it means to stare death in the face? Was it because each of them, at the end of the day, got to go home to their families and feel safe, healthy and blessed? Or was it because she suspected that most of them believed they already knew what the outcome of treatment would be? We can’t know for sure because Kecia didn’t really talk about it. She insisted on staying strong for her parents and putting on a front that implied she knew she would get better. I talked to a friend of mine that was a nurse. She informed me that radiation and chemo are so hard on the body that given the location of Kecia’s tumors, we would be lucky if Kecia even made it 6 months. While I know it was intended to “prepare” me, I chose not to accept that. And I certainly didn’t pass that information on to Kecia. We were fighting Cancer, not accepting it! She needed to hear the possibilities not the statistics. She would NOT be a statistic. She would be the exception! And so, day after day as the medical team lifted Kecia’s body up on the radiation table, one thousand prayer warriors lifted up her request for complete healing to the Lord!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
First (and probably only) post by Lacey
Hello! Lacey here. First of all, THANK YOU for reading. I am a friend of Kecia's and I managing the technical attributes only of this new blog. I cannot take any credit for any of the beautiful writing – that’s all Jennifer. Some blog “business” follows …
I would LOVE to get any feedback you have about the blog! You can email me at laceyedmondson@yahoo.com. I will be adding things here and there as the blog progresses. Please always let me know your likes/dislikes! If there is anything you would like to see on here that is not already on here, please let me know.
Having said that, you will notice that I have changed the look a little bit, to make it easier on the eyes, thanks to a reader’s suggestion. Also recently added is a “Chip In” account. Some of you have asked for a good way to donate funds for Kecia’s growing medical costs. This is a completely secure way to give to Kecia. Every cent goes directly to her bank account on the last day of every month, and any little bit helps! You can imagine the doctor bills that are piling up… She appreciates beyond measure any and all donations, however big or small. If you need technical help with ChipIn, I'm your gal - just shoot me an email.
Please, Please, Please, spread the word about this blog. Pass it on to your friends, family, co-workers and churches. We need lots of prayer warriors!!! If you and/or your church are currently praying for Kecia, please let us know. We are compiling a list for her to let her know how many of us are praying for her. Just send an email to jjsnyder03@aol.com, or leave a comment saying you are praying for Kecia.
Lastly, please LEAVE COMMENTS in the comments section below each post! Kecia reads them. Your support is so valuable to her!
Thanks so much for joining us on this journey.
I would LOVE to get any feedback you have about the blog! You can email me at laceyedmondson@yahoo.com. I will be adding things here and there as the blog progresses. Please always let me know your likes/dislikes! If there is anything you would like to see on here that is not already on here, please let me know.
Having said that, you will notice that I have changed the look a little bit, to make it easier on the eyes, thanks to a reader’s suggestion. Also recently added is a “Chip In” account. Some of you have asked for a good way to donate funds for Kecia’s growing medical costs. This is a completely secure way to give to Kecia. Every cent goes directly to her bank account on the last day of every month, and any little bit helps! You can imagine the doctor bills that are piling up… She appreciates beyond measure any and all donations, however big or small. If you need technical help with ChipIn, I'm your gal - just shoot me an email.
Please, Please, Please, spread the word about this blog. Pass it on to your friends, family, co-workers and churches. We need lots of prayer warriors!!! If you and/or your church are currently praying for Kecia, please let us know. We are compiling a list for her to let her know how many of us are praying for her. Just send an email to jjsnyder03@aol.com, or leave a comment saying you are praying for Kecia.
Lastly, please LEAVE COMMENTS in the comments section below each post! Kecia reads them. Your support is so valuable to her!
Thanks so much for joining us on this journey.
Kecia's big escape!
Kecia has been sprung!!! She escaped from the hospital around 3pm today. Okay, I said that to be funny, but seriously, she actually felt like she was in danger under the care of the doctor who was overseeing her. Long story short...He really wanted to do surgery on her even though it is very dangerous for her to "go under the knife" right now. She kept talking with HER doctor who kept saying DO NOT DO THE SURGERY! He even went to the hospital and had a "discussion" with the attending physicians. They thought it was all worked out and then she found out that the attending was actually giving her false information in an effort to get her to change her mind. When she called him on it, he actually told her that if she wasn't going to do the surgery then there was no reason for her to stay. Happily, she asked to be discharged and after her doctor called up to order her discharge, they kept her waiting by saying "we have to wait for the signatures of 3 other doctors before you can go." When she finally got out, she went across the street to the Cancer Center where they checked out her port and even accessed it (inserted her needles) with no problem at all. They said it looks good. Still needs to be on antibiotics so she will go to the infusion center tomorrow and see her doctor. If it all still looks good, they will send her home with iv's that she can do herself over the weekend.
Praying for a complete recovery,
Jen and family
Praying for a complete recovery,
Jen and family
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
News on Kecia
Hello all,
I know most of you are anxiously awaiting some news on Kecia and I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to get back in touch. To add to the drama, my brother (Kecia's uncle) was taken by ambulance to the hospital yesterday after he collapsed at a friend's house. He has been in the critical care unit, but since he was unconscious and couldn't give consent, noone would really tell us anything. It was pretty hectic but all is sorted out now. He has pancreitice (sorry about the spelling) and will be there for several days at least. He should be okay though.
Ok, back to Kecia. Her doctor finally got back in town and went to see her around 6pm today. He looked at her port which is doing great now, and was furious that the other doctors kept insisting that she remove it. Surgery would be very dangerous for her now and the risk of her dying due to surgical complications and her low immune system would be great. He assured her that not only did she do the right thing by standing her ground, but that he would definitely speak to the others about the incident. She will have to stay on IV antibiotics for another day or so and then should be able to get what she needs as an out patient at her regular infusion sessions. She still goes there daily and can get what she needs from them.
Physically Kecia is feeling pretty good since she hasn't had chemo in awhile. We are hoping that she will get out in time to have a few days "off" before going in for another round of chemo. It's time for her to have a few good days and do something other than be sick just to get her spirits back up. Thank you all for your continued prayers. We are so blessed to have you as a part of our lives.
Looking for a miracle,
Jennifer
I know most of you are anxiously awaiting some news on Kecia and I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to get back in touch. To add to the drama, my brother (Kecia's uncle) was taken by ambulance to the hospital yesterday after he collapsed at a friend's house. He has been in the critical care unit, but since he was unconscious and couldn't give consent, noone would really tell us anything. It was pretty hectic but all is sorted out now. He has pancreitice (sorry about the spelling) and will be there for several days at least. He should be okay though.
Ok, back to Kecia. Her doctor finally got back in town and went to see her around 6pm today. He looked at her port which is doing great now, and was furious that the other doctors kept insisting that she remove it. Surgery would be very dangerous for her now and the risk of her dying due to surgical complications and her low immune system would be great. He assured her that not only did she do the right thing by standing her ground, but that he would definitely speak to the others about the incident. She will have to stay on IV antibiotics for another day or so and then should be able to get what she needs as an out patient at her regular infusion sessions. She still goes there daily and can get what she needs from them.
Physically Kecia is feeling pretty good since she hasn't had chemo in awhile. We are hoping that she will get out in time to have a few days "off" before going in for another round of chemo. It's time for her to have a few good days and do something other than be sick just to get her spirits back up. Thank you all for your continued prayers. We are so blessed to have you as a part of our lives.
Looking for a miracle,
Jennifer
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